We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
