I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
