According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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