What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
