I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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