last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
