Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
