Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
