On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
