I just saw a hot homeless man
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
