Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
