I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
