I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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