Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
