I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
