I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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