He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
