hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
