Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
