two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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