anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize