I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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