bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
