yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
