just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
