You really coming over, don't trick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
