I think i peed on brittanys purse
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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