I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
