I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize