just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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