You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
