I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
