You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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