are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize