What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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