is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize