i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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