Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize