does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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