good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
