and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
