need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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