There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
