i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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