i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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