I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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