I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
