Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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