I just pynch a tree in the face
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
