My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
