I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
