We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
