Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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