she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize