I'm jealous of your bromance
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just had sex on a roof
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
