i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize