dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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