12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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