I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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