You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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