Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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