Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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