it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
