thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
