i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
