Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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