Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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