3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
