remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
