Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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